Let me get you something to eat, don't be silly, it'll take me two minutes. I wasn't gonna say anything but you look a little thin. I know you had a slice of pizza at the demonstration but that was hours ago, you're so hopped up on adrenaline you didn't even notice. Believe me, I remember how that feels. I still get out to the barricades now and then but by the time I get home my hip is killing me, especially if it rains.
A couple of days ago I turned 57. I decided to give myself the gift of self- indulgence so I started to write this post. Being childless by choice any pseudo-maternal urges were always sufficiently met by the presence of lovers and cats in my life and I never expected to love a movement like a mother loves her child. But that was before your tortuous and precipitous birth! And because you were unexpected, a "miracle baby" with such beauty and promise from the start I was flooded with love and pride when I saw you! Then I saw you start to make some pretty obvious errors which is inevitable when you are new at something, how else can you learn? So I tried to keep my mouth shut, who cares what a (fake) mother thinks, anyway? Like most real mothers around the world though, I struggled with raging over-protectiveness when I saw you start making the kind of mistakes that can get you killed or badly hurt before you know any better. These kind of mistakes, in combination especially, are also the kind that can kill the hopes and dreams of movements, and I want you to live for a long time and be successful, only partially because your dreams for America and mine are the same.
I know you're barely more than two months old but in today's world you need to grow up fast. It's because of the Internet, and also everywhere there is right wing crazy these days there are guns, except for where there are bombs and guns, and people with apparently raging hard-ons to use them, and the inability to ever just stfu about it for five minutes. Some of us, though aware that the vast majority of this stuff comes from the racist right, have become real sensitive to violent rhetoric regardless of the source. If you were old enough to remember, you'd know that the last time it was like this around here JFK, RFK and MLK,Jr ended up dead, as well as others who were not so well known. We older lefties have a "compare and contrast" example in our memories of a time that was more like the present than ever before or since.
Wow, for someone who wasn't hungry, sweetie, you sure ate that fast! Here's some more...no? You sure? OK, I'm wrapping it up for you to take with you. What?! What if you get hungry on the train?
So. Let me finally get to the point. Basically you know (fake) mother loves you but I see three areas where there is some room for improvement. Some of my historical examples will come from the Civil Rights movement because of that whole refusing to learn from history dooming you to repeat it thing. That goes for us too, not just the other side. And if you say you are a serious, capable and committed activist for social change but you didn't know &/or don't care that every subsequent movement borrowed or learned at least something from the Civil Rights and early labor movements please don't say it out loud again. You're embarrassing me.
Violence
Infiltration
Messaging
They are listed in descending order of how hysterical I get when I think what could happen! Oy gevalt! You know what, I talked so long I'm too tired to give you the details now. Here's an idea, why don't you stay the night, you can Occupy Your Old Bedroom. They can take the park again without you tonight, you know what will happen when you get gassed again with your allergies!
Good, I'm glad you decided to stay. In the morning I promise we'll have coffee before you go and I'll tell you the rest. Meanwhile, read this, and tomorrow we'll compare and contrast. It's just the Wikipedia page but it's pretty good, at least it's the way I remember it happening. I was about 15 at the time.
Well, I may be an old broad with a chip on her shoulder about the military industrial complex but I'm not dumb, I just stretched my present to myself into another day! You know, my mother used to always say in those days, to my constant amusement "I'm cold, go put on a sweater!" As funny as that sometimes was there were a few times I wished I'd listened to her, she had an uncanny ability to predict when it might suddenly get colder. I guess because back then she'd lived through so many more winters than I had.
Sleep tight and don't get any nightmares from reading that page, more tomorrow...
Monday, November 21, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Dear #Occupy
I know a lot of you are new to this. More than a few of you are those irritating fucknuts who show up at protests thinking you're all the rage because you are such an awesome hipster with ideals. But really, you're all morons. So take this little bit of advice from someone who has spent more time at demonstrations and protests than most of you baristas and internet bloggers combined, mmkay? We've compiled a list of guidelines that you'd all do well to follow. Please note that the only order is the order these popped into my head.
1. Give respect where respect is earned. The majority of police are not assholes, but like you, part of the 99% trying to earn a living. If they are polite and respectful to you, return that respect. Assholes screaming about ACAB and spray painting cop cars, throwing bricks through windows blah blah blah aren't accomplishing anything other than antagonizing the general public and giving the media something other than the message to talk about. Be respectful to the police when they've earned it.
2. Never, EVER hit a cop. Even if they really deserve it. Even if you hit the officer in self-defense, you will still get blamed for it. Just co-operate. I'm not saying answer all their questions, I'm saying that if it comes down to violence, let them arrest you. You all might see it as a badge of honour to get beat up and arrested by the cops, but trust me, brain injuries and arthritis from broken bones are no fun. Neither is spending a few years in jail for assault on a police officer. You better believe they'll find any excuse to arrest you, so don't give them one.
3. Don't ever let yourself get cornered by the police. Make sure you ALWAYS have a clear exit strategy. Do not let them back you up against a fence. Your job as a protester is to exercise your first amendment rights to free speech. Their job is to do as they're told, and if a certain mayor with a hard on for Wall Street decides their job is to impede your first amendment rights, then that is what they're going to do.
4. Don't let the extreme right wing, or the extreme left wing, or assholes ruin your movement. You've already got Ron Paulites detracting from your message, don't let them do it. Distance yourself from them, and police your own groups. Make sure there is a clear understanding of what will and will not be tolerated. Do not accept violence, racism, or vandalism. They accomplish nothing but distract people from your message and give assholes like faux news something to grasp on too.
5. Avoid any central authority. It's harder to get rid of a group when there's no clear head.
6. Laugh. Laughter is an amazing tool. Most people can't handle it, and there's nothing funnier than watching a cop lose his cool because you laugh at him. Laugh while they arrest you. Stop acting like martyrs and crack jokes til you're blue in the face. I once made a police officer cry by laughing at him until I peed. He couldn't take it any more, got so angry he started to tear up and had to leave the room, and I was still sitting there laughing at my pee on the floor. Don't be afraid to pee yourself either. It's especially irritating if you do it in the back of a cop car. I once heard a story about a guy at a festival covering himself in faeces and chasing after the cops daring them to arrest him. He would charge at them and not a single one could bring themselves to touch him. Bodily fluids are awesome.
7. If you are arrested, do not speak to cops.Do not use your phone call except to contact a coordinator. Set up code names with your coordinator who should NOT be present at the protests. Have them use a throwaway cell phone. Make sure you register your name and phone numbers of who you need contacted if you are arrested. Do not use your coordinator's name during your phone call. Do not, under any circumstances, ever, speak to the police without your lawyer present. Have to pee? Hold it. Hungry? Suck it up. The only words you are to say if arrested are "My name is blah blah blah I would like my lawyer to be present during questioning". Do not lie about your name. Do not show them ID. They are not required to read you your rights until they question you. Anything you say to them before then can still be used against you. Do not say anything. ANYTHING. If you do, you are a moron. Don't even ask for a glass of water. You are deaf and mute until your lawyer shows up. I cannot stress this enough. Say NOTHING. Police can hold you for up to 72 hours before they have to formally press charges. If you say nothing, and give them nothing, you are more likely to be released at the end of those 72 hours than if you start sobbing uncontrollably and telling them your life story. Nothing you say can help you, so say NOTHING.
8. If you are handcuffed, ALWAYS ask the police officer if you are free to leave. If they say no, say nothing. If they say yes, say nothing, and leave. By not asking, and not leaving, you are consenting to their detaining you. There is a difference between being detained and being arrested. An officer can legally detain you for as long as they need to complete an investigation. Detentions are considered voluntary until you formally ask to leave. Again, say nothing, other than "Am I free to leave?" if no, say nothing. If yes, say nothing and leave.
9. If a police officer asks to search your things, or searches your things, say "I do not consent to this search." Doesn't matter if they have a legal right to search you, or you have nothing to hide, say it over and over again. If the search turns out to be unreasonable, then you've already clearly established that you do not consent to the search, thereby invalidating any evidence they may have found against you. Police do not always need a warrant to search you.
10. Don't be an asshole, don't call the cops names, do not be a dick. Do not engage in passive resistance. It just makes you look like a self-obsessed tool without actually accomplishing anything. You are not showing the cop that you don't acknowledge his authority, you're just giving them something else to charge you with (resisting arrest). It isn't a badge of honour to be arrested, it means you were a moron who let yourself get cornered by the police. There is nothing special about you. Trust me, I've been arrested 38 different times in 35 different countries. You are not a martyr or a hero, you are a dumbass who let yourself get cornered by the police. Just cooperate with the police, let them do their job, but do not under any circumstances make it easy and give them information. Again, do not talk to the police. Do not lie, just hand over your wrists with a smirk on your face. Laugh, or have a blank expression. Do not show fear, do not show pride, do not show anger. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake, you're a dumbass who let yourself get cornered. Once they arrest you, take advantage of the opportunity for a nap, and sleep. You'll be out on the streets again in three days, and back to the adrenaline filled grind. Plus it irritates them when their intimidation tactics don't work. I once handed out daisies to cops in riot gear at a protest. Sure takes away their power when you stick a daisy in their riot shields or blow bubbles at them. Treat the whole thing like a big joke, because it is fun for you, and infuriating for them.
11. Don't be paranoid about agent provocateurs. They're usually pretty easy to spot. If you're a hardcore protester (and I get the feeling most of you aren't), you will learn to recognize the people on the circuit. Usually provocateurs are the ones advocating violence. Don't let yourself get caught up in it. They're usually overzealous. Simply say: "We don't need violence to further our cause" and walk away. Plain and simple. Even if they aren't provocateurs, the point still stands, you don't need violence to further your cause.
Always remember kids, it costs a bank a few hundred dollars to replace a window. It costs the city a few million every day. Eventually, they'll have to listen.
Stay tuned for a guide to protest first aid.
1. Give respect where respect is earned. The majority of police are not assholes, but like you, part of the 99% trying to earn a living. If they are polite and respectful to you, return that respect. Assholes screaming about ACAB and spray painting cop cars, throwing bricks through windows blah blah blah aren't accomplishing anything other than antagonizing the general public and giving the media something other than the message to talk about. Be respectful to the police when they've earned it.
2. Never, EVER hit a cop. Even if they really deserve it. Even if you hit the officer in self-defense, you will still get blamed for it. Just co-operate. I'm not saying answer all their questions, I'm saying that if it comes down to violence, let them arrest you. You all might see it as a badge of honour to get beat up and arrested by the cops, but trust me, brain injuries and arthritis from broken bones are no fun. Neither is spending a few years in jail for assault on a police officer. You better believe they'll find any excuse to arrest you, so don't give them one.
3. Don't ever let yourself get cornered by the police. Make sure you ALWAYS have a clear exit strategy. Do not let them back you up against a fence. Your job as a protester is to exercise your first amendment rights to free speech. Their job is to do as they're told, and if a certain mayor with a hard on for Wall Street decides their job is to impede your first amendment rights, then that is what they're going to do.
4. Don't let the extreme right wing, or the extreme left wing, or assholes ruin your movement. You've already got Ron Paulites detracting from your message, don't let them do it. Distance yourself from them, and police your own groups. Make sure there is a clear understanding of what will and will not be tolerated. Do not accept violence, racism, or vandalism. They accomplish nothing but distract people from your message and give assholes like faux news something to grasp on too.
5. Avoid any central authority. It's harder to get rid of a group when there's no clear head.
6. Laugh. Laughter is an amazing tool. Most people can't handle it, and there's nothing funnier than watching a cop lose his cool because you laugh at him. Laugh while they arrest you. Stop acting like martyrs and crack jokes til you're blue in the face. I once made a police officer cry by laughing at him until I peed. He couldn't take it any more, got so angry he started to tear up and had to leave the room, and I was still sitting there laughing at my pee on the floor. Don't be afraid to pee yourself either. It's especially irritating if you do it in the back of a cop car. I once heard a story about a guy at a festival covering himself in faeces and chasing after the cops daring them to arrest him. He would charge at them and not a single one could bring themselves to touch him. Bodily fluids are awesome.
7. If you are arrested, do not speak to cops.Do not use your phone call except to contact a coordinator. Set up code names with your coordinator who should NOT be present at the protests. Have them use a throwaway cell phone. Make sure you register your name and phone numbers of who you need contacted if you are arrested. Do not use your coordinator's name during your phone call. Do not, under any circumstances, ever, speak to the police without your lawyer present. Have to pee? Hold it. Hungry? Suck it up. The only words you are to say if arrested are "My name is blah blah blah I would like my lawyer to be present during questioning". Do not lie about your name. Do not show them ID. They are not required to read you your rights until they question you. Anything you say to them before then can still be used against you. Do not say anything. ANYTHING. If you do, you are a moron. Don't even ask for a glass of water. You are deaf and mute until your lawyer shows up. I cannot stress this enough. Say NOTHING. Police can hold you for up to 72 hours before they have to formally press charges. If you say nothing, and give them nothing, you are more likely to be released at the end of those 72 hours than if you start sobbing uncontrollably and telling them your life story. Nothing you say can help you, so say NOTHING.
8. If you are handcuffed, ALWAYS ask the police officer if you are free to leave. If they say no, say nothing. If they say yes, say nothing, and leave. By not asking, and not leaving, you are consenting to their detaining you. There is a difference between being detained and being arrested. An officer can legally detain you for as long as they need to complete an investigation. Detentions are considered voluntary until you formally ask to leave. Again, say nothing, other than "Am I free to leave?" if no, say nothing. If yes, say nothing and leave.
9. If a police officer asks to search your things, or searches your things, say "I do not consent to this search." Doesn't matter if they have a legal right to search you, or you have nothing to hide, say it over and over again. If the search turns out to be unreasonable, then you've already clearly established that you do not consent to the search, thereby invalidating any evidence they may have found against you. Police do not always need a warrant to search you.
10. Don't be an asshole, don't call the cops names, do not be a dick. Do not engage in passive resistance. It just makes you look like a self-obsessed tool without actually accomplishing anything. You are not showing the cop that you don't acknowledge his authority, you're just giving them something else to charge you with (resisting arrest). It isn't a badge of honour to be arrested, it means you were a moron who let yourself get cornered by the police. There is nothing special about you. Trust me, I've been arrested 38 different times in 35 different countries. You are not a martyr or a hero, you are a dumbass who let yourself get cornered by the police. Just cooperate with the police, let them do their job, but do not under any circumstances make it easy and give them information. Again, do not talk to the police. Do not lie, just hand over your wrists with a smirk on your face. Laugh, or have a blank expression. Do not show fear, do not show pride, do not show anger. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake, you're a dumbass who let yourself get cornered. Once they arrest you, take advantage of the opportunity for a nap, and sleep. You'll be out on the streets again in three days, and back to the adrenaline filled grind. Plus it irritates them when their intimidation tactics don't work. I once handed out daisies to cops in riot gear at a protest. Sure takes away their power when you stick a daisy in their riot shields or blow bubbles at them. Treat the whole thing like a big joke, because it is fun for you, and infuriating for them.
11. Don't be paranoid about agent provocateurs. They're usually pretty easy to spot. If you're a hardcore protester (and I get the feeling most of you aren't), you will learn to recognize the people on the circuit. Usually provocateurs are the ones advocating violence. Don't let yourself get caught up in it. They're usually overzealous. Simply say: "We don't need violence to further our cause" and walk away. Plain and simple. Even if they aren't provocateurs, the point still stands, you don't need violence to further your cause.
Always remember kids, it costs a bank a few hundred dollars to replace a window. It costs the city a few million every day. Eventually, they'll have to listen.
Stay tuned for a guide to protest first aid.
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